Life Relationships

To Love and to Submit

 

“Every day is for the thief but one day is for the owner”
African proverb

In my current state of bloating trials, I can hardly pay attention or concentrate on a thought for 5 seconds. However, an Instagram video from one of my girls this week was all it needed for Stella (or in this case a Sista) to get her groove back.

In the video, popular veteran Nigerian actor, Adebayo Salami; popularly known as ‘Oga Bello’, can be heard giving his 2 cents (more like 2 shillings) about his belief that men and women are not equal. His thoughts are;

  1. African women should bow to their husbands (whatever that means)
  2. African husbands should not take their wives out to lunch because it is the woman’s duty to cook for them (say what!)
  3. Unlike the tradition of our forefathers (I don’t know what forefathers this dude is bragging about), the new generation of Africans are emulating the western culture where they go out to eat in restaurants which according to him is wrong as the woman must always cook homemade food.
  4. He did mention that the husband should respect the wife for like 3 seconds (before he resumed his tirade on his ‘entitlements’ as a man).

Adebayo-Salami

All these archaic male chauvinistic shenanigans remind me of the current fall to shame of Hollywood mogul, Harvey Weinstein. For those who care to know, Weinstein is a big shot Hollywood producer and studio executive who is credited with starting and or shaping the careers of Hollywood bigwigs such as Judi Dench, George Clooney, Ashley Judd, Gwyneth Paltrow and a host of others. He has also recently come under fire for sexual allegations and settlements for sexual misconducts against women.

Now I have never met Harvey Weinstein nor was I there when any of these outrageousnesses and despicable atrocities were going down but in line with the sermon in church last Sunday, my thoughts are – oh Harvey La gropey, your sins will find you out’.

kings

Amen.

That said, being an African woman, I figure I have louder stakes in the Nollywood Oga Bello ‘Men are superior to women‘ ideology that is crippling my beloved Africa. To start with, I consider it the height of regressive hypocrisy that a lot of African men are quick to quote the bible to defend petty egos such as…

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything‘ – Ephesians 5 verses  22-24

Interestingly, these men fail to read the following passages that challenge their character…

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” – Ephesians 5 verses 25-33

Notice how long (8 verses) it took the writer to talk about love compared to his talk about submission (2 verses)? Maybe, just maybe, submission or the act of submitting is not the problem?

Anyway, I digress!

What I found most disheartening (from watching the video) was the realization as I read through the comment section that the majority of supporters of this subjugating mindset are women. I mean where do we even begin?

It is one thing to place a band-aid over the wound by calling out the chauvinism displayed by some of these men. It is another issue entirely to tackle the age-old, deep-rooted fundamental problem which stems from women and mothers bringing up their boys to believe and act like they are the superior species and are entitled to be served by women because they are the ‘lesser mortals’.

And can I just put it out there that contrary to popular belief, education seems to not be the key as most of these men and women who perpetrate, support and condone this ideology are educated.

Also, as an African who’s lived in the UK for a few years, I have heard, seen and observed a thing or two from living on both sides of the pond. I can say with certainty (to my African brothers), that eating everyday homemade cooking does not guarantee a submissive wife any more than a car being in the garage makes it a Porche (So leave the westerners alone and tend to your own garden!)

Mmhmm.

I am married to a refreshing drink of dark chocolate African and he is nothing like the travesty that Oga Bello mouths about.

So before we go off about submission, everyday-fresh-cooking, the religion of our forefathers and the corruption of the western culture…

Can we first talk about LOVE?

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love
The Bible, book of 1 Corinthians 13 verse 13

Let me know your thoughts.

Photo credit 1: http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2017/10/09/donna-karan-sorry-after-comments-praising-harvey-weinstein.html
Photo credit 2: http://thenet.ng/2016/05/adebayo-salami-11-things-you-should-know-about-the-popular-yoruba-actor-as-he-clocks-63-today/
Photo credit 3: http://www.churches-uk-ireland.org/aberd_city.html

12 comments on “To Love and to Submit

  1. You have raised some excellent points.

    It also has mystified me over my life why women tend to cling to archaic stereotypes more than the men, and in doing so, limit each other.

    I have come to the conclusion that change is threatening, and for women, more so, as they tend to be the ones who experience the backlash. While in the big city freedom of movement and association for women is something we take for granted, in country towns one is still under the beady eye of the moral brigade (specialty: minding other people’s business). In a country like Australia it can be annoying and socially isolating. In other more traditional cultures it can be fatal.

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    • Thank you for your comment Marie. You are right. It is harder for women in rural areas or from smaller towns to break away from stereotypical living especially when the more ‘enlightened’ ones they ‘look up to’ refuse to let go. One good man/woman at a time then 😇

      Like

  2. nicholas precious

    very educating keep it up

    Like

  3. You have always demonstrated deep wisdom anytime I have the privilege of hearing you and reading your write ups. I can’t agree more with your points. It is a worrisome issue. Thank you for addressing the issue in such a balanced way. The notion that women are inferior to men should be buried with concrete stones under the seabed.

    Like

    • ‘The notion that women are inferior to men should be buried with concrete stones under the seabed’…
      Now that’s some burial! 😁 Thank you for your comment Lawson 👍

      Like

  4. Well written! Like you said, the Bible requires men to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. I dare say that Christ loved the Church FIRST! That’s why we love Him the Bible says, so the husband should FIRST love the wife. Submission will follow if men would love as they ought. The only basis for a woman’s submission (note, not subjugation) is the Bible. Outside of Christianity, please people should do away with this ‘tradition says so’. Traditions die every day and new ones are created. This has been the root cause of a lot of ills brought upon women in the African society. My two shillings :p

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Good one Milly though I’ld like to point out that it’s just not an African thing, quite a number of other cultures have been known to propagate this ideology…
    But we thank God for knowledge and exposure….
    Love is the key all day, everyday…
    …in other news, I didn’t know that my brother is now a chocolate beverage… Apostle must hear of this…lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hahahahahaha, Soldee Abeg no kill me 🤣🤣🤣.
      Thanks for reading bro. True this happens in other cultures, however the ‘other’ cultures are not mine 😜. Charity begins at home which was why I left a Hollywood to the Americans and Americans-wanna-be 😇

      Like

  6. We crafted conviction written for men and women of this age. You must forgive oga bello, he is of an older generation and many people ( male and female) still think like that and it is working for them. Some see it as a man’s world and men should be worshipped by their wife or wives, others see it as a woman’s and they should be served and worshipped aswell. I say it is a beautiful world and we have two genders in the eyes of God, more in the eyes of the law of the land. If there was a sign between a man and his woman it will be a multiplication sign, because as they work together good will multiply from their effort and if they fight together it will also multiply into pains. I will not judge those who think like oga bello, in my experience it is something born out of tradition and culture and I tend to be careful with such knowing how sensitive it is. Good one Milly

    Liked by 1 person

    • Many thanks for your comment TK and very insightful point of view. There are aspects of our culture and traditions I totally believe in such as respect, community and family. I also agree with you that there are those who this practice work for and I have observed that for such couples, there is mutual or some sort of mutual respect for each other. However, it seems the scale tilts towards those who champion, brag, are cajoled, forced or just plain resigned to the notion that the man is the ‘higher citizen’ and is deserves to be worshipped no matter what.
      That being said, I know you are one of the ‘good guys’ 😜. So keep the flame flying bro 👏🏾

      Like

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