“Every day is for the thief but one day is for the owner”
In my current state of bloating trials, I can hardly pay attention or concentrate on a thought for 5 seconds. However, an Instagram video from one of my girls this week was all it needed for Stella (or in this case a Sista) to get her groove back.
In the video, popular veteran Nigerian actor, Adebayo Salami; popularly known as ‘Oga Bello’, can be heard giving his 2 cents (more like 2 shillings) about his belief that men and women are not equal. His thoughts are;
- African women should bow to their husbands (whatever that means)
- African husbands should not take their wives out to lunch because it is the woman’s duty to cook for them (say what!)
- Unlike the tradition of our forefathers (I don’t know what forefathers this dude is bragging about), the new generation of Africans are emulating the western culture where they go out to eat in restaurants which according to him is wrong as the woman must always cook homemade food.
- He did mention that the husband should respect the wife for like 3 seconds (before he resumed his tirade on his ‘entitlements’ as a man).
All these archaic male chauvinistic shenanigans remind me of the current fall to shame of Hollywood mogul, Harvey Weinstein. For those who care to know, Weinstein is a big shot Hollywood producer and studio executive who is credited with starting and or shaping the careers of Hollywood bigwigs such as Judi Dench, George Clooney, Ashley Judd, Gwyneth Paltrow and a host of others. He has also recently come under fire for sexual allegations and settlements for sexual misconducts against women.
Now I have never met Harvey Weinstein nor was I there when any of these outrageousnesses and despicable atrocities were going down but in line with the sermon in church last Sunday, my thoughts are – ‘oh Harvey La gropey, your sins will find you out’.
That said, being an African woman, I figure I have louder stakes in the Nollywood Oga Bello ‘Men are superior to women‘ ideology that is crippling my beloved Africa. To start with, I consider it the height of regressive hypocrisy that a lot of African men are quick to quote the bible to defend petty egos such as…
‘Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything‘ – Ephesians 5 verses 22-24
Interestingly, these men fail to read the following passages that challenge their character…
‘Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” – Ephesians 5 verses 25-33
Notice how long (8 verses) it took the writer to talk about love compared to his talk about submission (2 verses)? Maybe, just maybe, submission or the act of submitting is not the problem?
Anyway, I digress!
What I found most disheartening (from watching the video) was the realization as I read through the comment section that the majority of supporters of this subjugating mindset are women. I mean where do we even begin?
It is one thing to place a band-aid over the wound by calling out the chauvinism displayed by some of these men. It is another issue entirely to tackle the age-old, deep-rooted fundamental problem which stems from women and mothers bringing up their boys to believe and act like they are the superior species and are entitled to be served by women because they are the ‘lesser mortals’.
And can I just put it out there that contrary to popular belief, education seems to not be the key as most of these men and women who perpetrate, support and condone this ideology are educated.
Also, as an African who’s lived in the UK for a few years, I have heard, seen and observed a thing or two from living on both sides of the pond. I can say with certainty (to my African brothers), that eating everyday homemade cooking does not guarantee a submissive wife any more than a car being in the garage makes it a Porche (So leave the westerners alone and tend to your own garden!)
I am married to a refreshing drink of dark chocolate African and he is nothing like the travesty that Oga Bello mouths about.
So before we go off about submission, everyday-fresh-cooking, the religion of our forefathers and the corruption of the western culture…
Can we first talk about LOVE?
“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love“
The Bible, book of 1 Corinthians 13 verse 13
Let me know your thoughts.