Inspirational Life

Preggers Dairy – To Spank or Not to Spank

With our baby due in a few months (February 2018 come quickly in Jesus’ name, amen) and with the Scottish government's attempt to make smacking/spanking by parents illegal; Bud and I have been talking about our positions and views on spanking and ways we can enforce discipline should the ban fall through.

 

“Bring up a child by teaching him the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn away from it”
From The Bible, Proverbs 22 verse 6

With our baby due in a few months and with the Scottish government’s attempt to make smacking/spanking by parents illegal; Bud and I have been talking about our positions and views on spanking and ways we can enforce discipline should the ban fall through.

Working (and reasoning) with grown adults is hard enough as it is and in my 8-years of working with children and young adults, I can attest that working, teaching, caring and raising children takes a commitment that is super-human (because kids have the divine gift of getting on your last nerve I tell you).

I have also had the privilege of experiencing and witnessing how parents would ideally instill discipline or respond to difficult behaviour from two different cultures along with some pros and cons from both ends along the way.

For instance, in the UK, I have heard some grown folks say they were spanked as a child but in all my years here, I have never seen a child getting spanked. I have however seen children hit, scratch, bite, slap, scream and throw things at adults. I have noticed that most parents would generally speak sternly to address and curb such behaviour in public while a few would look helpless and ignore the situation.

In Nigeria, to begin with, you get walloped not spanked and as soon as your infant brain can comprehend, you quickly realize that walloping is the rule, not an exception. You also quickly realise that your biological parents do not have monopoly over walloping you and there is no place that is off limits for walloping (don’t think for a second that you are safer in church either because that is the best place to wallop the fear of Jesus into you and obliterate every trace of the devil, mmhmm). Interestingly, half of the time, you have no clue why you are being walloped. You may know what you have done but very rarely why it would or should result in a vengeful-like hell-descending whooping.

As a Childcare Practitioner, I have been asked on many occasions by a cross-section of adults what my views are on spanking a child. I must admit that on a few occasions I have outrightly responded ‘aye! children should be spanked’ without missing a beat. However, since being preggers, I have often wondered why I was so quick to respond that way.

I have been asking myself;

  1. Why would and should I spank?
  2. When should I spank?
  3. How should I spank?

I firmly believe children need boundaries, structure, discipline and to learn about consequences because Lord knows, some days they make me sing…

Precious Lord, take my hand
Lead me on, let me stand
I’m tired, I’m weak, I’m worn…

However, I have also seen that children need time, patience (lots and lots and lots!), love, security and above all, an example to follow. I have learned that telling a child is not as effective as showing a child because children are expert watchers.

As the bigger guy, it is easy to forget that the little guy will one day grow up with a full memory of his/her experiences as a child.

So, for the spanking/walloping parent, the parent who turned a blind eye, the abusive parent, the parent who gave their time and energy, the parent who ‘told’ by being an example, the hand-of-God parent, the parent who was there and the parent who just cannot be bothered…

What would the little guy remember about you? 

All of that said,  I’m still wondering, ‘why should I spank my child’?

Let me know what you think.

Photo 1 credit: http://www.baby-direct.com.au/baby-cots-baby-furniture/baby-cots.html

17 comments on “Preggers Dairy – To Spank or Not to Spank

  1. Dear Preggers Dairy

    Interestingly enough, one of your readers sent me a list of articles which included your post to try to sway my way of thinking.

    It is apparent that this issue is a sincere concern and has weighed heavy on your mind. Your article and the comments bring up many interesting viewpoints. After reading your article, I felt compelled to share my own article.

    Please feel free to leave a comment and/or privately message me. I am interested in having an opportunity to correspond with you.

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/towards-recovery/201711/spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child

    Like

  2. Dear Preggers Dairy,

    Interestingly enough, one of your readers sent me a list of articles which included your post to try to sway my way of thinking.

    It is apparent that this issue is a sincere concern and has weighed heavy on your mind. Your article and the comments bring up many interesting viewpoints. After reading your article, I felt compelled to share my own article.

    Please feel free to leave a comment and/or privately message me. I am interested in having an opportunity to correspond with you.

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/towards-recovery/201711/spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child

    Like

  3. @Ify Myopic is believing I said spanking is the consequence for actions. You can be the source of security and safety and still be the source of discipline. I’m glad you have 2 well behaved boys and I’m glad you believe in your method of raising them which didn’t involve spanking. I also hope they are strong enough to negotiate in every situation they find themselves in.
    That being said, I believe I will be the most all round source of learning for my kids. The electricity will not negotiate with you before it shocks you if you didn’t follow the instructions. And I don’t agree with those who compare kids to adults in terms of their reasoning. Adults understand or mostly understand the consequences of their actions. Kids usually do not know the consequences of their actions and sometimes we don’t just learn by what we hear or read but also what we experience.. otherwise people will only be wise based on theoretical knowledge and application. There is no one logic for every situation.. if you believe it Was your method that worked for you.. great. Then again.. who is to say that your definition of “well behaved” is same for everybody?
    I said my kids will learn to use their hands to wash their clothes when growing up and that the washing machine will only be used by their mum and I and someone laughed.. saying I’ll probably be a wicked dad but I know the values I had from doing such things as I have lived all over the world and managed to be industrious when the need arises.
    Lastly.. I’m sure no one here would result to spanking as a first resort in crisis management.. myself included.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. nicholas precious

    wow I say i learnt alot already

    Liked by 1 person

  5. nicholas precious

    Educating

    Liked by 1 person

  6. ◄ Proverbs 13:24 ►
    Verse (Click for Chapter)
    New International Version
    Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.
    My mum used to quote the above scripture before the koboko session begins 😂

    Without it…who knows where I would be today…I’m for moderate spanking or punishment…all kids are different and the understand different languages I.e. styles of Koboko

    Liked by 1 person

  7. My parents just spanked me without telling me why I was being spanked. I am going to spank my kids and will let them know why they are being spanked. With the way things are going on with the world, I am constantly realizing that God’s position on parenting via discipline is a sure path to tread.

    I love the first comment I read – Life doesn’t give you any second chances, you put your hand in the fire, you get burnt and you learn from there….

    So it’s so important that our kids learn this at a really young age.

    Like

    • Thanks for your comment Ada. What I find most interesting is the ‘judgation’ (pardon my new word) of it all. Those who do not spank believe their method is right and those who spank believe they are on the right path. Both groups then proceed to hurl stones at each other and a poor preggers Sista gets caught in the middle 🙄

      Like

  8. There is no good reason to spank. It’s really simple. What message are you giving your child when you spank them? That it’s okay to use violence instead of self control and your words, and other strategies that can easily achieve what you think you want to achieve by spanking? Plus, with all the research showing the negative effects of spanking on the child, I’m suprised that people still have the heart to casually advocate spanking or even consider it. I have two well behaved boys who listen to me and trust me and I can proudly say that I have never for once “spanked” them. Children are people too, learn to negotiate with them just as you would with an adult that refuses to listen to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Excellent point Ify particularly about learning to negotiate early on with children because as their brain develops, they also develop the capacity to reason. Thanks for reading

      Like

  9. I firmly believe in spanking. There are consequences to actions and letting kids believe from an early age that the world is a bubble of safety and security is false. I don’t have kids yet but hope I will someday and I am talking from the experience of my childhood. Yes I was spanked but I saw them as consequences for my actions. My Dad used to talk to me and explain what I did wrong and how it was wrong after subjecting me to the rod. Here’s what I taught… life rarely gives you second chances to correct your actions. All you mostly get are consequences and a chance to learn.. You put your hand in fire you get burned.. later you can process your actions after that. The world needs structure. We need structure and parents are the first teachers to their kids. I love my parents so much and I am grateful they didn’t spare the rod with me.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your comment Greg. I especially like your view about ‘letting kids believe from an early age that the world is a bubble of safety and security is false’. Parents really are the first teachers to their kids and I wonder how much good it would do to keep ‘tying’ everyone’s hands…
      Thanks for reading

      Like

      • The world contains enough horrible things and it’s an erroneous thing to think that being a source of “horridness” to your child is good. Your child will learn resilience but you shouldn’t let them learn about it from the one source of safety and security that you should be to your child. As for consequences, teaching that spanking is the consequence for an action is pretty myopic, don’t you think?

        Like

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